so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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