I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
