You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
