I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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