I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
