I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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