seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
