I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Still dying that you shit outside
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
