So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
