I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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