Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize