The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
