Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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