So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
