I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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