Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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