Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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