my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
