are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
