i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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