I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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