No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
