Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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