what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
