dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
