my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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