I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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