Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
