we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my farts smell like vagina
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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