my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
