It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize