Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
