just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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