Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
