Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
