He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.