Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
