I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.