fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW