he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3