fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.