I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
third nipple confirmed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
