I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
