If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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