Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
whose ass print is on the piano?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
