i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
