you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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