Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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