I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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