So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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