I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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