very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
