ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this just has baby written all over it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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