he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
