escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
