Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
