I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
