Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
