Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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