why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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