mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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