dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
