Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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