Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
