In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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