You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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