Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
