Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
