Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
