Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
