Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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