She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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