Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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