I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
