my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
