What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
