well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
only you would photoshop your dick
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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