Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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