Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
